The Hills has been cancelled, and the Economy has once again killed another career dream of mine.

So they announced that this coming season of the Hills will be the last one. boom. done. dreams shattered. What will all my friends like Lo, Audrina, Justin-Bobby, Steph, Lisa Love (who is a real person, I found that out during one of my PR internships...I was like WOW she actually exists!) and Jen Bunny do now??? What about one of my favorite Hills stars, NANA!!

She was my fav. How can one go back to playing bingo and watching The Price is Right every day after experiencing the glamor and fame of The Hills? Cruelty to seniors.

But most importantly, did they not think about ME? Did they not know that one of my career fall back plans was to be featured character on the Hills? Once again, the economy has stepped in and killed me dreams. I would have been PERFECT for the Hills. Perfect. Here are my qualifications:

• Fake Blonde
• Love to shop
• Love to gossip
• Like to make nicknames for boys
• I like headbands
• I would be 100% down for plastic surgery if monetary funds allowed (which they would if I were making 75 grand an episode, hello). 
• I could do nothing but sit around playing solitare at a job all day
• I can gchat really intensely and make it look like I am hard at work (oh wait maybe that's the City)
• I know how to print labels (I'm looking at you Stephanie Pratt)
• I like Sushi
• I like sunbathing
• I can arrange clothes on a rack like no one's business. 
• I'm not that smart 
• I say like alot
• I can engage in pointless conversations with great enthusiasm
• I can date douchebags
• I can play X box with Spencer

SEE! God, I would be PERFECT on the Hills. I had it all planned out too. I was going to be Lo's friend from college (because unfortunately I did go to college, and that makes me a minority on the Hills, but so did Lo) and I would get into huge beef with Audrina because she would sleep with my fake boyfriend and she looks like a cross-eyed chipmunk and I would work as Kelly Cutrone's accountant at People's Revolution with Lauren and Whitney and we would go out all the time and go to lunch all the time and I would be Blonde Tan and Skinny and life would be wonderful. Oh yeah, also making 100 grand an episode, so like, my salary would be a bajillion dollars and I would take over the world with that money and find a cure for cellulite.

But no, dreams CRUSHED. Thanks alot MTV. Now looks like I need to focus on getting on More to Love Season 2 or Blind Date.

Man, I'm going to miss the Hills. Hearing "Unwritten" every Monday at 10 was such a big part of my college education. And I leave you with this:

ahhhh hahahahaha

Oh Linds. Watch out for those Cactus gardens.

I shoudn't laugh because I've definitely been there before, but the way she shrieks before she goes down just gets me ever time.

Lindsay Lohan Makes Me Feel Better About Myself

Lindsay Lohan and I are the same age. Whenever I'm having a particularly low-self-esteem day, I think about what Lindsay must be up to and it makes me feel infinitely better about myself. Now, this says a lot, when you think that I was laid off from a pretty un-glamorous job to begin with, I still live at home with my parents, and my current job options right now are keep my fingers crossed for unemployment OR become get my old job slaying tables at the Texas Roadhouse back. I mean seriously, I'm in no position to be laughing at someone right now, because they could just point a finger back at me and ask, Hey what did you do all day? And, I would have to run down my day which involved a strict television schedule that includes Ellen, Blind Date, Beverly Hills 90210 and an occasional Tyra, which I wouldn't necessarily call leading a fulfilling life.

Lindsay is your friend who you thought was so cool when you first met her (in say, ninth grade). All the boys liked her and she had really cool older friends who would sneak her alcohol and pot. You thought Lindsay was the most hip friend ever. Then, as you got older and started getting over the party scene, Lindsay is your friend who just can't get over it and still gets black out drunk every night and hooks up with a different guy. Lindsay's had a couple STD's and pregnancy scares. Well past the age where those kinds of little mishaps are deemed life lessons. You start to think maybe Lindsay isn't so cool anymore. Maybe she's just straight up trash.

What would make Lindsay somehow interesting to me is if she stopped partying, cut off her hooker extensions, stopped getting freakish botox injections all over her face, stop wearing gothic slut attire and seriously seriously stop doing crack. If she emerged in say, three months with healthy, shorter red hair and a fresh face with minimal makeup, I really might do a double take. If she got her GED I would be so proud. If she, gasp, went to college and got a degree in something like Medieval and Renaissance Studies and later get a job as an editor for Pendant Publishing in the Education department I would join the Lindsay Lohan bandwagon. We could go out for a beer (or apple cider) and vent to each other about annoying co-workers. Until then, Lindsay, whenever I'm feeling really depressed about being a college-educated, former over achiever, currently unemployed middle class American, I will google-news you. It always makes me feel better about myself.

Kristen Stewart and I Have Similar Taste and Similar Body Problems

HELLO GORGEOUS!

Hello, I'm beyond obsessed with this little number. I think it is so adorable yet sexy yet badass. Cute but at the same time vixen-y. The color just pops. What is it? Pink? like the prettiest boldest hot pink ever? Kstew's hair and make-up even look great. She's doing a kind of peaches and cream thing with her cheeks that looks so good, especially with this hot colored dress. The black pumps also work, if she had done a matching color shoe, it would have looked prom-y.

Kristen call pull this off. Almost. She has the top part down. She's pretty flat chested so she can pull something slightly risque off without looking like a porn star (which I have that problem, unfortunately), and she has great legs so the length (very very short) looks great. But it's slightly bunching in the middle - making her look like she has a beer gut, pregnant, or ate alot of spaghetti for lunch. I don't think she has any of these issues, so I'm going to go with - Kristen has a short torso. I have the same problem. Dresses always look stupid on me because I have no waistline, a short torso, and big boobs. I either look like a dumpy Polish immigrant, or a really cheap cocktail waitress at Larry Flint's Hustler Club. For example, here's this dress on the actual model during Fashion Week. 

Hmmm...see Kris? No bunching. No gut. Well, maybe a little but it looks good because the model actually has a long torso - that bitch. It's a shame because I bet she does what I do. If I see a dress, I will just assume it looks good on me. I'll be like, it will look good on me, and if not, I'll loose 15 pounds in a week or so and then I can wear this. Swear to god I've done this with about 10 dresses and they are all still hanging in my closet waiting for those fifteen pounds to be shed. Any day now.

Kate Moss is my Fav

and her hair is so shiny!

I Like Bad Boys

I'm currently watching Sex and the City (on HBO ondemand, Thanks Mom and Dad). I can not help but have a soft spot for Richard Wright, the sleazy hotel millionaire who cheats on Samantha.  He's actually always been one of my favorite Sex and the City beau's - him and Mr. Big, another asshole. I've come to realize that I'm always attracted to the bad guys in all tv shows and movies. I think that says something about my psyche. But, before I even think about that, here are TV guys I would instantly marry:
Obviously Richard

And Mr. Big - yum

Sawyer from Lost. This guy is straight up white trash but I would have hot jungle sex in cages with him in a split second. In the choice of Jack or Sawyer, I choose Sawyer every time.

Chuck Bass. Yup. Yeah, so what if he has hookers and does lots of cocaine and skeezes on Blaire all the time, I would still. And in real life he has the hottest accent evuh.

Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility. Don't laugh.  I'm serious! Willoughby was SO HOT. and he was way better for spunky Marianne Dashwood than nice but boring old Colonel whatshisname. Too bad his fortune was riding on his future wife's dowry, because they would have made an Elizabeth Bennet/Mr. Darcy sparks match. Maybe when I finally mature I will understand Jane Austen's choice here.

 Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones' Diary. Yum. So bad. I also love that he's her boss. He's also really bad/hot in the book. I secretly wanted Bridget to end up with him the whole movie. Shhh..don't tell anyone.

ALL TIME FAVORITE BAD BOY THAT I LOVE: Rhett Butler. If you've read the book, then you know what I'm talking about when I say "the stairs scene." Rhett > Ashley 4evuh.

That's More Like It, Boyfriend

I have many fantasies involving the olden times. I think it's the clothes. Clothes were just way more sexy back then. More complicated. Harder to get off. So, Boyfriend here took my advice and knew he wanted me to see him in a romantic period drama, and voila! He looks smashing.

Here is my lover filming a little movie called Bel Ami where he has lots and lots of sex. I read somewhere that he has a huge orgy scene. I don't see my boyfriend as the Orgy type, necessarily.  I mean, he's my boyfriend so I shouldn't talk shit about him, but I don't....I kind of....ahhh....I can see him being slightly bad in bed. There, said it. It's out. I could see him being super shy in bed. Oh boyfriend don't hate me.

But whatever, I have a lonely Friday night ahead of me and these pictures of Boyfriend in costume should hold me over for awhile.

P.S. How sexy is that scowl? VERY Mr. Darcy. rawr!