Yoko Ono's Twitter page is fantastic. Who tweets phrases like 'It was getting easier to just lie down and watch the sky. That’s when I fell in love with the sky, I think.' They are really insightful. I also liked 'Towards the end of WW2, I looked like a little ghost because of the food shortage. I was hungry.' OMG. that made me really regret trying to diet today and just being happy that I had enough food whenever I wanted it. She's also really into saving the ocean. 'Even a pebble dropped in the ocean, or even a little child playing in the shallow end of the water, affects the whole ocean.' I wish that I could speak like that. I'm afraid everything I say comes out either snobby snarky or valley girl sounding. I could never say this:
Remember, our hearts are one. Even when we are at war with each other, our hearts are always beating in unison.
Without sounding like a complete loon. But when Yoko says it, or tweets it, it makes me stop and think, hey, yeah, our hearts ARE beating as one. why can't we just be nice to one another?
I think Yoko Ono is a good role model. Even if she did break up the Beatles.
Oh Georgia. Black Iris? More like Black Clitoris (shudder....ugh I hate that word). There's a movie coming out on Lifetime about Ms. "What? My paintings are not female genitalia! how dare you say I'm a feminist painter!" I will definitely be watching. If anything she's interesting and I like that even though she's dead and cold, i'm still thinking "hey, is that a vagina? or is it just a flower?"
Here is a list of some of my favorite Gold Diggers of all time.
Julie Cooper-Nichol
Ok duh I know she's not REAL...but she's still one of the greatest gold diggers of all time!
ha. ha. and HA. I watch their horrendous reality TV show. I have even read sTori Telling in it's entirety (ugh, I know). Tori Spelling is a sad soul. She seems like a genuinely sweet person. In truth, I think she is sweet because she always had to deal with her unfortunate face. She had to compromise her looks and be the nice sweet person who happens to be the daughter of Aaron Spelling. If she had a pretty face and a hot body (which she does have a good body, minus the wonky boob job), she could be the Queen Bitch and no one would say two words.
ANY-HOO....her book is actually pretty entertaining, especially everything about 90210 (according to Tori, the whole cast slept with each other and each other and vice versa and it all became extremely incestuous, much like a real group of friends. This makes me happy).
So Tori gets married to this really nice but kind of lame guy (he sounds like such a sweetheart in her book, Tori you BITCH). She meets "Dean" while doing a MADE FOR TV MOVIE IN CANADA. There's your clue right there.
So Dean leaves his wife and CHILDREN for Tori Spelling. ok ok, this might not be gold digger material. BUT THEN (the plot thickens) THEY DO A REALITY TELEVISION SHOW ABOUT THEIR LIFE TOGETHER. OMGGGGGGGGGG.
I mean really, after putting your respectful spouses though that kind of humiliation, I would call it love if they lived peacefully in a little town in New Hampshire, but they have cameras following them all around Hollywood. HELLO? God digger if I ever saw one, DEAN.
And I think Tori is just happy for some male attention that she doesn't get it. She is actually kind of cute in the show. ahh, I have such a soft spot for Tori. Especially the scene where she goes to the farmers market with her baby daughter and nurse Patti and a crazy "fan" comes up and starts harrasing her about being a natural blonde. HAHA. ahhh, if only I could get that clip on youtube it's truly funny.
Heather Mills
Alot of people do not care for Heather Mills. I agree, too, that she can be a See You Next Tuesday with a captital C, she is hilarious when you step back and look at her. She is so freaking full of herself!! When she went on Dancing with the Stars, she was described as a "Philanthropist." Ha and Ha!
She also has a bizarre face. I wouldn't call that face pretty, would you? and she has terrible hair. In my book there is no excuse for marrying for money and then having shitty hair. Epic FAIL there.When I succeed at gold-digging, I'm going to have hair like Jessica Simpson circa the good years.
Anne Boleyn
Girlfriend knew what she was doing, although it kinda got messy in the end, she knew what she was after.
Melania Trump
How gorgeous is this photograph? She is maybe one of the greatest Gold Diggers of All because she got married and had a baby right away. Solid. A Child ensures that you will always get $$$. I find Donald Trump actually kind of funny too, I'm sure sex with him isn't the greatest thing EVUH, but hey, he seems like he has a sense of humor.
Apparently, Melania is a straight up bitch too. A few of my friends sat near her and Donald Trump at a Broadway show in NYC. Donald Trump was nice and signed autographs but Melania was too good for that, and she stormed out and didn't talk to anyone like the hot gold digger she is.
and these women are Claudia Schiffer and Elle Macpherson, especially after reading this article. They are mothers of two and still look better than I do at 23 single and childless. Although, granted, they do have all the money in the world to look this great, but some women who have that kindof money do not look like that. Or, they try too hard to look like that and end up looking like this piece of crap
It's so easy to spot the rich housewives who have nothing better to do than spend their money on plastic surgery and botox and work out 24/7 because they don't need full time jobs. See I am torn, I work really hard and feel like I am going no where in life and then I think how easy it would be to score someone as old and horny as this guy
and just close my eyes and think of someone else and then turn out rich, gorgeous, in shape, with fabulous hair and a great wardrobe, and then move on with my life and my millions. One such lady who did exactly that, and did it well, is Gretchen, my favorite gold-digger from the Real Housewives of Orange County.
She was dating some kind of Nascar CEO worth mills who had cancer (which is actually sad, I would rather my sugar daddy die of old age painlessly) and now she is a millionaress and dating Slade, who although is kindof a douche, is hot and is much more "spongeworthy" to quote Elaine than her former luvah.
To Gretchen Rossi, former aerobics instructor, real estate agent, goldigger extraordinaire, and all over hot bitch, I salute you!
My favorite piece o'trash hooker is actually looking really pretty here. She doesn't look cheap or desperate for attention. She actually looks slightly....classy? oh man i'm caving. I still think she is one of those typical hot girls who only survive off the attention from lame douche bag frat guys and she has no talent or intellect, but whatever, shes making more dough than I am so maybe I have it all wrong. Bravo Meggles.
So it's Friday and I'm sitting at work and I could be doing work...but it's Friday afternoon and it's raining and I would much rather be at home watching old episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 than sitting here pretending to be entering data, or even worse, actually entering data! Here are a few things that can easily entertain you while sitting at a desk, cubicle, office, library carrel, etc. on a rainy Friday like today.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. What a psycho. First of all, I HATE mothers that spend all the time talking about how great their children are when they clearly are huge spoiled F-ck ups but the parents cannot see that. I think sometimes my mother is like that, I could totally see her at work yapping on and on and on again about how great my brother and I are but yet, I am still living at home and my brother recently got an underage drinking citation. Dina Lohan is the absolute worst of these mothers. I've her the most cracked-out quotes about how "smart" Lindsay and Aliana (p.s. what a white trash name) are. OH MY GOD. Lindsay Lohan may be pretty. She may be talented. She may be really good at snorting cocaine. But, by all needs, she is NOT smart. AT ALL. I think if I acted like Lindsay, even my own mother would not call me "smart."
Enough of my ranting, anyway, Dina Lohan's twitter page is highlarious with a capital H. She rants on and on about Linday's privacy being invaded and so and so, and blah blah blah. It's awesome. The Lohan's are the trashiest family in America.
Rachel Zoe's new internet shenanigans.
So all the sudden, one of my idols, Rachel Zoe got all tech-savvy and has her own DAILY email and a QVC line, which you can peruse and purchase stuff. I'm seriously THIS CLOSE to buying this faux-fur vest off her QVC site.
OH NO! I just bought it! Oh shiz! well, see, that's how addictive Rachel Zoe on QVC online is. AND i did get a little bit of an adrenaline rush going when I bought so maybe I even burned some calories? 2 birds my friend.
Make a profile on Chemistry.com
Make a profile on Chemistry.com but don't pay for it! Daz crazy, its easy to pick up total loser guys anyway, you do not have to pay for it! BUT it IS worth the half hour or so you will spend answering multiple choice questions about your personality and dating preferences. THEN when you have made a profile, and don't even have a photograph, chemistry.com will send you emails that are like "Ben has noticed you, why not pay $$$ in order to see his profile and maybe find your one true love?" Ok, so I take what I can get, but every time I get one of those emails, it's a confidence booster. I mean, I don't even have a picture up and already all these guys want to go on dates with me? WIN WIN.
Watching famous scenes from classic television shows on youtube
I'm not a huge youtube person. In fact, I firmly believe that you tube, like facebook, has seriously gone down the tubes in terms of coolness. When you hear about youtube videos on the 6:00 National News, you know YOUtube has become a thing of standard, which makes it lame, like facebook. I hate facebook now because I use it for work, and that makes me sad. What happened to the days of making facebook groups like "OMG I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT I PEE'D THE BED?" and you never had to worry about your boss or your mom see you created that. LAME. I actually had to sit though a marketing lecture about how facebook was the future for companies. DOUBLE LAMENESS.
ANYWAYS, youtube is getting lame. BUT youtube is really fun to watch classes highlights from tv shows like Dynasty, Beverly Hills 90210, Dallas, Melrose Place, My So Called Life, Clarrisa Explains it All, Sex and the City, etc. etc. etc. (you know how much I love TV). Recently I finally watched the famous lily pad pond catfight scene between Alexis and Krystle from Dynasty. On silent. It was awesome. Then I forwarded it to some people from work. That was funny.
A lady came in to my work today with a bag full of racoon tales today to donate to some children who could learn from them. I could not help but think how great they would look paried with a little black dress and killer black heels.
Is it so bad to want a fur coat in this day of age? I always say once I have made it big somewhere my first big purchase for myself will be a fabulous fur coat. Even better a vintage fur coat worn once upon a time by a wealthy Kennedy or Sedgwick or Vanderbilt. I think a fur coat and a big pair of sunglasses would make even the homeliest of women look like a movie star. Fur coats are classic too. They will never go out of style. Women have been wearing fur coats since pre-history! When they had an art opening in the Lascaux caves, they were wearing fur..(har – har).
I know that animals are killed for fur….but….isn’t that just part of the chain of life? the circle of life from the Lion King?
Also, I bet fur is warm. And if you know me its that I don’t ever ever want to be either a. hungry b. bored or c. cold and so a fur coat is my best bet for sure. Baltimore does not get very cold in the winter, but it does get somewhat cold. A lady I talked to today said that I could pull off a fur coat if I lived in Moscow or Vancouver. Well, das vedanna here I come Russia!
I have a few inspirations for my fur coat. One is Julie Christie playing Lara in Dr. Zhivago. Observe.
It is alot of fur, but still she looks great.
Is this even fur? I’m not sure, but she still looks all Russian and beautiful and exotic.
My other favorite fur coat person is Sienna Miller…but then again she is always my favorite person when it comes to anything having to do with clothes.
yeah my new pink laptop is finalllllllly here. it took ya long enough. It's a little bigger and heavier than I wanted, but that's what you get for a 700 dollar laptop I suppose. Now I can blog at home and not at work! yea!
This is what it looks like.
Honestly, I could have really splurged and gotten a nice mac book air or something but really how cute is a pink computer?
Megan Fox is a piece of trash. But she does have perfect eyebrows as seen in this not so flattering picture of her right here next to the evergaytome Zac Efron. Horrible picture. Gorgeous eyebrows.
I love this dress. It's different, it's sexy, it's flattering, the color is amazing, it's bohemian without being sloppy looking. I actually bought a prom dress that looked somewhat like this dress with Carrie Bradshaw in mind. I love how it shows so much leg because if its one thing that Carrie Bradshaw has (ugh, besides an amazing fictional life), it's great legs.
Seeing the new rounds of Sex and the City pictures is making me so happy! I swear, as corny as this sounds, that show made me want to be a better person...in terms of appearances and career of course! I aspire to be like Carrie Bradshaw. Everytime I watch the show I think, ok, who can live off the salary of a sex columnist and live in that amazing New York City appartment, be able to go out every night, and afford all those clothes and shoes! Truly, all she does is go out all the time and write a column once a week and yet she can live the New York lifestyle I can only dream of with my three jobs! Carrie Bradshaw, I salute you for living above your means.
And here are some of my favorite Carrie Bradshaw fashion moments.
I mean how cute was her haircut here?
Yes, if I had that kind of body I would rock belly shirts like that as well. Don't judge.
HAT! J'adore hats.
Thinking about making this shot of Carrie Bradshaw's closet my new computer background.
Carrie's Appartment. Swoon.
I would hope to look this fabulous preggers.
Definitely one of my favorite "dressy" outfits she wears in the entire show. Love the flower on her head.
Oh! Oh! Her fur coat! When I make it big, my first big purchase for myself will be a fur coat a la Carrie Bradshaw. Loves.
She looks great here. Great hair, Great dress, Great little jacket. I also like my Carrie Bradshaw on the blonde side. The Blonder the Better I say.
Oh adored this embroidered jacket here. Is this when she is rushing to get to Wall Street to ring the bell? Or is this when she is walking Aiden's dogs? I can't remember...but whatever it doesn't matter because her coat is adorable.
